Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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