just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize