I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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