Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
