The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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