Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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