i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
My breasts were aching with rage.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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