My pussy is not your playground.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
