We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I have fence marks all over my body
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
