I smell stomach acid.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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