Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
