how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
