I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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