I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize