Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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