What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
