I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
