the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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