I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
