I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
