My underwear smells like fireworks.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
