Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
