My room smells like vodka and shame
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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