I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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