I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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