I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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