Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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