oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
