I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
accomplished twins. life is a go
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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