Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
