none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
