That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
