So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
