i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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