Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize