Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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