just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
