Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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