All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
The struggles of a small town man whore
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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