My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
