Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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