with your own penis?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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