Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
