Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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