Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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