remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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