So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize