i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
