My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
be right there i have to get my cape
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
