I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize