After last night, I could never be a politician.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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