I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize