I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
