Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
