So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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