Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
