what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
