I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
