I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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