it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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