Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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