She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
