K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
