What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
