i would punch a child for taco bell
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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