I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
