i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize