I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
