I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
