Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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