it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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