actually, I'm a sock model
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize