I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
