Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
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