You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
