well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
