She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
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