well I can't set my house on fire every night
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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