The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
