Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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