can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
