I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
