Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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