is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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