Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
