No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
