i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
