I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
