Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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