He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
