she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
