Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
