Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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