im drinking this country out of the recession.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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